Page 6

March 27, 2005: Easter Day today. I had some stuff out for the kids, not much, but I wanted to do something. They got me a big-sized Toblerone bar, which I assume my mom picked up because they haven't gone anywhere. It was cool though, I was quite happy with that.

I stared at the 3 - 4' tall plush bunny I got Diane last year for some time today. It made things difficult for me. The older kids, their dad phoned, and apparently it didn't go too well. Sounded like he was giving them heck for not wanting to see him or something stupid like that.

I have my own opinions on death and divorce, and it goes something like this. I think divorce may be worse than death, because you can still, or sometimes have to, have contact with the person. After almost 13 years though, your grieving process is pretty much over. You've been grieving the loss of someone who isn't really 'gone'. Death is pretty final. Basically I guess I'm saying it's the kids and my turn to grieve, and while I stayed out of his grieving process, he can't seem to stay out of ours. There is so much going on that I want to put down here, but I can't out of respect for Diane and the kids.

What I can put down though is that I went for a drive tonight. My cousin wanted a webcam for a friend, and wanted me to stop by for coffee. It was nice to get out for a bit, and they had a card and an Easter Lily for us. I had trouble with that, as I always buy Diane an Easter Lily a few days before Easter. I had actually seen them in the store the Friday before she died, and thought for sure I'd get her one when she came home.

Should I have gotten her one before? It's like the dogs. Every time she went into the hospital I'd get her a plush dog. This time I didn't and I don't know why. I suspect I knew this was it, as I think she did too. She tried to tell me on Friday that she was dying, and I didn't listen. I told her she wasn't dying yet. I was wrong.

The point here though is not that. The point is that I hit a milestone tonight on my way to my cousin's that I have been expecting and waiting for. I drove a bit before going to his place, because there were two really meaningful songs on the radio. I can't remember the second one, because the first one hit me really hard. It was 'The Way' by Fastball. Here are the lyrics:

They made up their minds
And they started packing
They left before the sun came up that day
An exit to eternal summer slacking
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?
They drank up the wine
And they got to talking
They now had more important things to say
And when the car broke down they started walking
Where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Chorus:
Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today , today

The children woke up
And they couldn't find them
They left before the sun came up that day
They just drove off
And left it all behind them
But where were they going without ever knowing the way?

Anyone could see the road that they walk on is paved in gold
And it's always summer, they'll never get cold
They'll never get hungry
They'll never get old and gray
You can see their shadows wandering off somewhere
They won't make it home
But they really don't care
They wanted the highway
They're happy there today , today (repeat)

I heard on the radio some time ago (this may or may not be accurate in the story or the geography) that the song was written after reading about a Florida couple who got up one morning, put some wine in their car and just drove off. When the car broke down, they apparently got out and walked, and were never heard from again.